BobboEats

A.K.A Bad Girls Pasta

So as of recent I have had the pleasure of getting to know a young, smart, vibrant and distractingly beautiful female who shares a passion and love for food that potentially rivals my own.  Thus, I have created The Seduction of Pedra…A tale of man, who stops at nothing to seduce a woman with only the ingredients he has in his pantry.  He is compelled by an enchantment he can’t quite understand to create romanticized dishes that he can only hope, tempts this elusive temptress…

You will see this story progress further…But for now, this is how Pedra’s Penna Alla Puttanesca went down.

Hopefully you have:

• Garlic
• Pasta Sauce (I only had maybe a cup)
• Oil
• Parm + Mozzarella
• Cream (or milk)
• Oregano
• Salt & Pepper
• Penne (1 pound)
• Tomato

Remember, the idea behind making your own Bad Girl Pasta is the fact that you have very limited ingredients to work with…

I first mince the garlic, chop the tomato and started sautéing them in some oil.  While you are doing that, fire up water for the penne, or whatever pasta you have in the pantry.  Once the tomatoes are translucent and the scent of roasted garlic intoxicated the air, carefully fold your pasta sauce into the tomatoes and garlic.  Add all of your spices and once the sauce starts to simmer and the pasta is close add some of the cream or milk, I would suggest if the female you are looking to seduce is lactose…steer away from this method…You do not want to overpower the red sauce so it should be a nice pink color…I then took the liberty of adding the shredded mozzarella.  

Once the pasta is read and the sauce is pretty hot and tempting, mix the pasta with the sauce finish is off with a romantic dusting of parm.  If you fail to seduce her this time…its ok time will tell as you attempt to sweep her off her feet.  Stay hungry my friends. 

So, check it…After being away for a while, I realized that myself and the roommates have not had a quality Sunday Night Dinner in quite some time.  So naturally I went to the drawing board…Checked out what we had in the old cupboard and what I could work with to make something sexy as all get out…Naturally, given the holidays there were a few choice items that needed to be picked up.  But right before I hit the store, 3 of the most beautiful women that I know decided to make a guest appearance…So clearly, our “No homo Romantic Sunday Night Dinner” Turned in “Im gunna get you laid Sunday Night Dinner”…Which OBVIOUSLY ended in “I got you laid Sunday Night Dinner”….

What you are going need is as followed:

•          Chicken
•          Pesto
•          Fresh Mozzarella
•          Shredded Mozzarella
•          Ciabatta bread
•          French Bread
•          Butter
•          Garlic
•          Shallot
•          Onion
•          Tomatoes (5)
•          Balsamic ( no night would be complete without it)
•          Pesto
•          Choice Spices + Salt and Pepper
•          Olive Oil (extra virgin)
•          Pizza Dough
•          Tomato Sauce

Not that impressed margarita pizza:

So, not everything I make comes out the way that I would like it too.  I think it is important to share your failures so you can continue to improve.  Basically what happened here was Chadwick and I purchased the other night some Pillsbury Pizza Dough.  From the start I should have known it was doomed since I had a very challenging time trying to unroll it…But when I finally did, of course I ripped the shit out of it.  I flattened it out on a backing sheet never the less and tried to play it cool…added some generic Classico tomatoes sauce and a healthy helping of cheese…Then threw that bitch in the oven, I of course totally lost track of time and was not 100% on when I should take it out, but when I did I think it was cooked all the way thru, but to be honest I didn’t give a shit I had bigger things to take care of.

First… go ahead and mince your garlic, onion, shallot and Tomatoes.  You need to gut the tomatoes, so quarter those and then scoop out the insides and disregard them…While we want to get things wet, the tomatoes insides get things a little too wet…if you know what I mean.

Couldn’t Get it in Bruschetta

So for those of you out there that actually can stand reading what I’m putting down you might see that I make Bruschetta often…And if you have read then you why I do, it pretty simple actually, not only is the dish in itself easy.  But a good Bruschetta can get any man laid and while this was not the outcome for me on this particular evening I know a few people that may or may night have indulged themselves in some uncomfortably belly full sexual actives.  I even spiced shit up a bit and still couldn’t seal the deal.  I rocked the French bread with some Mozzarella and baked it in the oven.  

All while doing that I had about a cup of balsamic reducing, this is what I like to refer to as the “closer.”  Mix up your onions, tomoatoes and shallots in a large bowl.  Add olive oil, salt, pepper and dried oregano and basil.  If you need help with the next 2 steps we got bigger issues but since I don’t want you to fuck this up, take the bread out of the oven which should have a sexual golden brown tan with melted mozzarella and put your tomatoes on top, THEN get it wet with a few dabs of the “closer” and serve at your digression.

Almost Group Sex Pesto Chicken

So that is right ladies and gentlemen…While we couldn’t pull it off, potentially due to lack of hustle…The Chicken Pesto on ciabatta bread with fresh mozzarella definitely put us in the running.  A seriously sexually playful dish, I was inspired on vacation when my suto father ordered fresh linguine with pesto and when it came out it was like sex in the air.  But first, let’s take a step back, what I would like you to go ahead and do is butterfly your chicken and season her up with salt and pepper…if you have a few other spices you want to throw into the mix…don’t be bashful.  My brother has been showing me the art of the broiler, which is truly the only way to cook your meet and I highly suggest leveraging this method of cooking…So as I was dressing up my breast for the broiler, I threw my pesto (yes it was store bought) into a medium pan…naturally I couldn’t help myself so I had to sex her up a bit with some leftover shredded mozzarella.  Once the chicken was finished cooking, I let her sit for about 4 minutes before I started slicing her up…I had my ciabatta bread already sliced up and just had to add the fresh mozzarella.  Finally I up my breasts and threw it in a large bowl mixed the pesto and chicken and topped off the ciabatta and was ready to serve…

I can assure you…If you are looking romance a young female this dish will get it done.  Good Luck out there…

It has been a little while since the family had a nice little taco Tuesday night.  My family runs a non-profit which is focused on providing moments of joy for families that are in need and the Holiday season is a pretty busy time of year for us…Not being home for essentially an entire month translates into hungry disgruntled roommates…I will not name, names, but Chester Copper Pot made it very clear that I better not fuck around on this Taco Tuesday evening…

It all started in the grocery store…Black beans were not good enough and we needed to also have pinto, the rice at home was not up to his standards so we needed Goya boxed yellow rice, a generic packet of taco seasoning was a must for the ground beef and of course the sharp cheddar cheese I suggested was not sharp enough…but I did make the right tortilla wrap choice…thank god as I was in fear of getting my ass kicked. 

With that being said this is what you need:

•          Onion
•          Fresh Tomatoes
•          Goya Boxed Yellow Rice
•          Goya Black Beans
•          Goya Pinto Beans
•          Ground Beef
•          Old El Paso Taco Season
•          Plain Greek Yogurt (Sour Cream Substitute)
•          Sharp Shredded Cheddar
•          Salsa 

Chest Copper Pot Inspected Ground Beef:

                So like I said, Chester Copper Pot was all over me like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snow storm.  He made sure the temperature of the pan was at exactly 350 degrees with a bit of olive oil…He then directed me to cook the ground beef straight through and to added the Old El Paso Taco Seasoning packet with about ¾ of a cup of water…once the water was reduced and the ground beef thickened up Chester was still not satisfied and wanted me to added a health handful of delicious sharp cheddar cheese to sex things up a bit…I obliged him.  I then poured the beef into a serving container to sit for a minute while I started to slave away on the 2 bean and rice dishes…

Blood Flowing Black Beans and Yellow Rice:

So while Chester Copper Pot was ready to put his foot so far up my ass that the water on his knee would quench my thirst…I was able start on the black beans and rice that I knew our other appreciative roommate Evan would fantasize about.  What I did was I added a bit of water to deglaze the pan and pic up the sexiness that was trapped on the bottom of the pan that cooked the ground beef.  I added the Black beans and seasoned them up a bit…I also added onions and tomatoes to reduce with the beans…once the beans are ready to go throw the yellow rice in and THEN add some cheddar cheese to really marry them together…once you’ve gone ahead and done that…Think of one of your favorite under rated sexual positions and this is pretty much comparable to that…Subtle…yet effective.

From a Chef to a Cook Pinto Beans and Yellow Rice:

After creating probably the sexiest part of the meal, I felt a gaze on my should that suggest I get to work on the Pinto Beans or Chester Copper Pot was going to clean my colon quicker than one of the chipotle burrito’s with extra guacamole sauce…So I quickly removed the Blood flowing black beans and rice to put in the pinto beans.  I really half assed this one, basically the Pinto beans got a shot of sexiness added because they were cooked in the same pan as everything else.  I was not allowed to try them.

Not a wet dream beef taco:

So after Chester told me that I best unfuck myself or he will unscrew my head and shit down my neck if these tacos sucked I started to assemble…I am a big believer that an equal amount condiments in each taco.  I lay it down with Greek yogurt then salsa…top that with the rice and bean then throw some cheese over that before placing the ground beef on…Once you got that add your fresh tomatoes and onions…

As a side note…I feel like I need to mention this…If you are looking to seduce a young male or female…Substitute steak or chicken for the protein…I of course work with what I got…Additionally…melt the cheese on the tortilla before creating the taco and he/she will be yours forever…or at least for the night.

Hopefully you won’t get bitch slapped as I did throughout this process…

Simply Sexy Flank Steak Fajitas

                So while up in ct for the past few weeks, there was not a lot of home cooked meals as it has become a tradition for the fam to dominate the Sherwood Diner EVERY NIGHT.  I shit you not we fucking put the owners kids through college…Legit after an Al’s Angle’s event, we are all usually very worn out and there is no better place to go than the Diner… And if you ever go to Sherwood Diner in beautiful Westport, Connecticut…http://www.yelp.com/biz/sherwood-diner-westport Just make sure you get your French Fries well done…

So like a crack addict I got a bit antsy and needed to rock something out in my brother kitchen…Since his wife only eats like 3 things the planet has to offer I knew I had to keep it simple…So check it…

Get yourself:

• 2 onions
• 1 Flank Steak
• Soft tortilla wraps
• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Garlic
• Salt and pepper
• Sour Cream
• Salsa
• Cheddar Cheese

Simply Sexy Flank Steak with Grab your sack sautéed onions:

                So not going to lie…we are really not re-inventing the wheel here so if you fuck this up then you got some bigger issues.  Basically, what I did here was just salted and peppered the steak…you do not need to get crazy with any fancy sauces or whatever you crazy kids like to do these days.  I also chopped up a few garlic cloves and really gave my meat a rub down with EVOO.  Get your broiler all situated and its pretty straight forward from there…

                Now for the onions…again, this was pretty damn simple, but what you gotta do is on a medium to high heat, fire up a pan with some butter and start sautéing the onions.  Add some salt, pepper, garlic salt and sugar.  Don’t be the ass hole who burns the onions and since we are not sautéing peppers you will not have a replacement for the fajitas and most likely everyone will hate you…So don’t be a dope.   Once those become translucent and really caramelized, you are pretty much done.  Cut up your meat…Add your condiments…salsa, cheese, sour cream etc…  Also…everyone enjoys a nice warm tortilla…So wrap them in some tin foil and put them in the oven for a hot minute and you are basically ready to rock.

Further more…If you are cooking this for a female or whatever your into and you’re looking for some heavy petting later in the night ( For you and your partners sake, I recommend waiting at least 1hr before engaging in any kind of sexual activity, 30 mins is just not enough) you are going to want to melt the cheese on the tortilla before serving, which will make the experience that more sexual….

But remember, if you burn the onion or over cook the steak, you’ll be servicing yourself.

Merry Christmas.