So, I know I’m a little weird. Perhaps it was the paint chips I was told I ate as a child or maybe from the 6 car accidents (4 of which were totaled) or the blows to the head I have received throughout the 28 years of athletic and non-athletic activities…Needless to say, I have acquire a collection of scars while here on this earth and one I remember vividly. A tradition was started a few years ago, that tradition was for each birthday that I am blessed with; I will cook and surround myself with the people I love. I am not interested in cramming into a bar or going to some club that offers bottle services and I refuse to associate or go to a place/area that is referred to as the “Meat Packing” District…So I’m left with what I do best and that is to cook and entertain. Cooking on my birthday will continue to be a tradition I keep and just like the scars I have acquired I will remember them vividly.
With that being said, enough of the sentimental bullshit…While I fucking dominated the kitchen last night but I did not dominate the bedroom, which is bullshit. But hey you win some you lose some, even on your BDay.
I made a few things that I have made in the past but it was my birthday and I can do what I want. This is what you are going to need to get to get this thing going:
- Pre-soaked ancho chiles (I used chipotle chilies)
- black pepper
- cumin powder
- tablespoons fresh oregano
- red onion
- Yellow onion
- vegetable oil
- Skirt Steak
- Cheddar Cheese
- Sweet Baby Rays BBQ Sauce
Type A Nacho’s:
Nachos are a fucking crowd please, and I’m feeding 10+ people, but at the same time I make one hell’uva nacho. This is from years of practice and perfecting the art of equal cheese to chip distribution. What that means is, I make sure there is an equal amount of cheese on each chip. My good friend Jesse breaks my balls because when we were younger I legit used to make individual nachos, with the perfect amount of cheese, salsa and sour cream on each individual chip. While that technique is not the most efficient way for a large group, I take the same approach but just on a larger scale. So basically, just add cheese, throw it in the oven at 350 and keep a watchful eye because there is a zone that cheese gets to that is perfect. If you take it out too early or leave them in too long you might just miss it and you will look like a dope. So pay attention, kind of like how you would pay attention to strip poll, just sayin.
Hey howya doin BBQ Shrimp Quesadillas:
I have made these of course on a variety of occasions and naturally that was because they are simple to make and from a taste standpoint, they are pretty fucking sexy. What you need to first do is mince up some garlic and shallots. Get a medium sauce pan lined up and add olive oil and start sautéing …don’t fuck up and burn it so you should add your shrimp in almost immediately. Once the shrimp is almost cooked through, you can then add your BBQ sauce. Mix everything together really well and start working on toasting up some quesadillas. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but once the cheese starts melting, add the shrimp, fold in half, cut in quarters and serve. I serve it with a dollop Greek yogurt which the ladies will appreciate.
Missed Evan’s personal touch Guacamole:
Since Evan is part Mexican, he always makes the sexiest Guacamole dip…He was not able to last night, so I had to step in and I think I did a pretty good job, but his personal touch was missing that is for sure. Since I prep the shit out of my meals I always make sure I chop everything that I potentially will need throughout the course of the even…Do I sometimes forget things or overdue it…yeah, happens all the time. But I had some garlic, shallots, jalapenos peppers and red pepper that I threw in there with some salt, pepper cumin and garlic powder. I also picked up some fresh cilantro at the market with some exquisite fresh limes that really zinged things up a bit. While my guac could never compare to those of a traditional Mexicans like Evan, I think It was pretty close and I felt a little blood flow.
Thinking of you Chicken and Steak Taco’s:
As most of you may or may not know, I have problem with Chipotle and with Bacon for that matter…But more importantly, there is a certain person that I am reminded of every time I go to chipotle. Since she was not able to be physically there for my birthday…I figured if why not cook something that made me feel like she was there…Hopeless romantic I know…
I basically stole this recipe straight from Chipotle and it was fucking dope you will need:
Skirt steak and some voluminous chicken breasts, but in a blender you are going to want to put the pre-hydrated chipotle pepper, 4 garlic cloves, oregano, cumin, salt/pepper, 1 full red onion and vegetable oil. Put that blender on blast and puree the shit out of it. Of course taste it and make sure all is good, I made it a little hot last night…
You should also have your Broiler on with the pan heating up in the oven…take your steak and chicken and give them a sprinkle of your favorite seasoning, doesn’t really matter to me. I used the same spices that I mentioned above. Once heated up go ahead and throw your steak and chicken in, they will have different cook times but you have a hungry audience so you need to get this done in one shot …If a second round is need…well then you will naturally have to cowboy the fuck up and get it in for round 2.
The steak will be cooked first, so take that out and let it sit for a minute. Then, just like mother fucking chipotle, chop that shit up and throw into a big bowl and smoother it with your Chipotle marinade. Mix that shit together and get ready to get your dick wet. Obviously, one the chicken is done, go ahead and repeat the same process…
Lastly, I will say this I bring value to the table because I feel I am pretty attentive. I try to pay attention to the details, which proves to be useful in both the kitchen and the bedroom. That is a whole nother story, but what that means is, while I was rocking everything out…Made sure I made fresh rice, black beans and a salsa with fresh tomatoes, garlic and onions. Additionally we had the Greek yogurt and cheddar cheese and some Tostitos salsa. There was a variety of topics that one could choose from to customize their taco experience. All in all, it was pretty much straight sex in the mouth the entire evening…And even tho I didn’t get a little birthday sex I had a fantastic evening and I will continue the tradition…So you let me know if you are in for next year…it’s going to be on a Friday…So I can assure you there will be Bacon involved.